Wednesday, August 5, 2009

hate the emptiness i always feel

especially after weekends...

caught 2 movies with sl last week, overheard & the hangover. both are 2 thumbs up, you should watch them too! marina barraged with the usuals last saturday, intention was to catch the fireworks from the final preview of the national day parade BUT.. part of it was being blocked by the integrated resort! nevertheless, still enjoyed the time spent with them there...

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why must i always silently whine to myself under my comforting blanket before i can fall asleep every night? why the tears keep welling up in my eyes every now & then? always able to feel better after a cry, but sad to say that it's not working this time.. this has been going on for more than a week already... so devastating! there are certain bothersome things on my mind that i'm DYING to forget. desperate.. or whatever. i wish i could leave them ALL behind and move on... regret not cherishing what i had in the past. too bad, because it's probably too late to not realised it only until now.. everything is gone. and most likely not coming back anymore... can you feel my agony too? i want to hug my friend and cry my heart out to her. please talk me round.. and tell me that everything's going to be alright...

think i need your assurance.

Monday, July 27, 2009

hope that i'm just experiencing monday blues?

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or is it because of the bad dream that i had AGAIN last night?
one i woke up from a nightmare and two i went to the loo. next i went back to bed AND THE DREAM AMAZINGLY CONTINUED!
experienced this before? happened to me countlesss times already and i really wonder why... firstly, they're never sweet dreams (well can't remember having any before)! and secondly because the nightmares always feel so real, that i'll wake up feeling so distracted throughout the day...

the chinese proverb : 日有所思, 夜有所梦
means what one thinks about during the day, is what he or she is likely to dream about at night. why is it only the pensive thoughts that i think about happening in my dreams? where are all the happy ones?

everyone is special in their own unique way. heard this before right?
i'm a spoilt brat... who can't even control my own emotions, ridiculously demanding, overly sensitive, selfish & protective and what more? someone help! i don't want to be so extraordinary. i don't even know who i am whenever i'm resentful. people like my family (daddy especially), friends & sl can't be giving in to me all the time... although sl's using a different approach and giving in less now..

damn, i sound like some depressed girl_91 in those teenage magazines. hahah!